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Similar to I wanna be able to trust people as much as this guy trusts this chair

waterbaby
Trust starts with truth and ends with truth.
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daisydoll
I'm fifty years old, I was on a heating pad eating cheetos
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I can't wait to walk down the aisle...to find my seat on the plane
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MarissaRocks
"The average person falls asleep in 7 minutes" Who??? Who are these people???
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I'm not saying that I'm an expert, but I have a Ph.D in making bad decisions.
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Dreamer
I don't want to party like it's 1999. I want to go grocery shopping like it's 1999.
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I'm not crazy, I'm just creatively insane.
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RonnySteel
That 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog
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Enjoy your weekend cause Monday will be here in 20 minutes.
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I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
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Trust people's vibes instead of words.
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I smile because you're my family...i laugh because there's nothing you can do about it!
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Don't trust everything you see, even salt looks like sugar.
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Mike-Ross
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Me looking at my friend if we saw the same thing.
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Your cat is not your baby
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When i say extra caramel, this is what I mean
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When your kid is bad but you still love him
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When i say more sour cream this what I mean
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Seeing my sister happy is priceless
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Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.
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I never met a problem i couldn't make worse.
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Every day i wake up wanting to be nice, Then people ruin it for me.
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Once upon a time, I was young, fun and semi-sane. Then i joined facebook and met all of you
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You call it coffee. I call it my emotional support beverage.
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Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.
daisydoll
Does anyone else check their facebook like the morning paper?
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Yesterday I did nothing. Today I'm finishing what I started today.
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daisydoll
The rich get richer, the lazy live for free, the middle class continue to pay for it all. Follow me for more reality checks
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I thought growing old would take longer.
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I wish facebook would notify me when someone unfriends me so i could like it
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The best part of waking up...is still a mystery to me
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Time to get up and get going. Today's bad decisions aren't going to make themself
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Work can't stress you out if you just don't go in...
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Dear 8 hours sleep, i miss you so much.
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I stress about stress before there's even stress to stress about.
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Warning: my mouth is a bit like a magician's hat...you just never know what's gonna come out of it.
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When I text "interesting" this how i be looking
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If we're in a relationship, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt
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POV: Your girlfriend is on her mood swings
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Boyfriend: you're beautiful
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Texts like this
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Me and my friend before making a bad decision
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Did I lock the door? I have to go back
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I'm 35 but my back in 57. My knee? She turns 73 on Tuesday
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Me overthinking every single thing I do or say
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Behind every crazy woman is a man who made her that way
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You never know what you have until...you clean your room
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Sometimes you've just got to be a bit anti-social at work
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