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Mike-Ross
My dog doesn't have a bike!
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Sometimes, it's not the song that makes you emotional, it's the people and things that come to your mind when your hear it.
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My parents had a TV like this. I remember because I was the remote
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Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning
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Don't rush me. I'm still deciding whether to be productive today or not!
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Do what is right for you. No one else is walking in your shoes
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Alright, who left the bag of idiots open.
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Always remember these 2 words: they will open all the doors of life. Push and pull
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The 5 second rule for food
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I saw people through the window today
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She's my bestfriend
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I wonder how cops on bikes arrest people?
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The first thing I do when I wake up is try to sleep again
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Nothing is impossible with the right attitude and a hammer
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7 Happiness Tips
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I started the week with a big box of patience. The box is empty now
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My holiday equals...
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The real definition of "Never mind" is "You shouldn't listened the first time"
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I don't know how exactly when the UFO landed & dumped off all these stupid people
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kylesportsman
Best Feeling Ever
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My sister when she need something vs my sister most of the time
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I'm weird! But I know you love me
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If you want to change the world, do it while you're single.
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I'm not short. I'm just compact and ridiculously adorable
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I don't like to think before I speak.
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if you could read my mind. You'd back away slowly then run for your life!!
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Having a rough day?
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My alone time is for your own safety!
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My money just waves goodbye
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When you're in a restaurant and you see your food coming
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Hello! You've reached my profile
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I'm so glad friends don't come with price tags.
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I recently applied for a part time job at a mental hospital.
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I love how in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?"
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Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
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You know why you like me? Because you are freaking crazy too
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Sometimes I just wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old and the energy of a 3 year old
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My secret talent
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My attitude is based on how you treat me.
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The one who laughs last, didn't get the joke.
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Breaking News! I don't care
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Life could be worse. Milk could have pulp.
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I do not snore! I just dreams I'm a motorcycle
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I don't mind and you don't matter.
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Why is it that the one who snores always goes to sleep first!
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Don't be too hard on yourself.
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I love waving at random people
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Toilet stolen from police station...cops have nothing to go on.
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Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom
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Banana Language
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Always believe that something wonderful is going to happen.
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I told the doctor i broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
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Date someone who looks at you like a minion looks at a banana
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A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6. He seemed irritated when I answered kindergarten.
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