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Similar to Life Is Short. Smile While You Still Have Teeth

daisydoll
I'm fifty years old, I was on a heating pad eating cheetos
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Recent studies show that the most expensive vehicle to operate in today's world is the grocery cart.
waterbaby
I'm not saying that I'm an expert, but I have a Ph.D in making bad decisions.
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Dreamer
I don't want to party like it's 1999. I want to go grocery shopping like it's 1999.
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I'm not crazy, I'm just creatively insane.
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RonnySteel
That 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog
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I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
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waterbaby
I smile because you're my family...i laugh because there's nothing you can do about it!
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Mike-Ross
If my man got $0 and I got $1000 we both got $0
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Me on self-care nights treating myself the way i deserve.
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When i say extra caramel, this is what I mean
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Just call me if you need me....also my phone:
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Don't worry about getting older. You're still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.
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Once upon a time, I was young, fun and semi-sane. Then i joined facebook and met all of you
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Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.
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I'm proud of myself for not being fake, I'm difficult sometimes and have a few screws loose but I'm 100% me.
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Yesterday I did nothing. Today I'm finishing what I started today.
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The rich get richer, the lazy live for free, the middle class continue to pay for it all. Follow me for more reality checks
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I thought growing old would take longer.
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I wish facebook would notify me when someone unfriends me so i could like it
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I'm here in body but not mind...my mind is in bed where my body wishes it could be
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The best part of waking up...is still a mystery to me
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Time to get up and get going. Today's bad decisions aren't going to make themself
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I'm not bothered by my age, I just don't like all of the side effects.
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Work can't stress you out if you just don't go in...
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Dear 8 hours sleep, i miss you so much.
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I stress about stress before there's even stress to stress about.
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Hardest thing ever: controlling your laughter at serious times
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Warning: my mouth is a bit like a magician's hat...you just never know what's gonna come out of it.
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When I text "interesting" this how i be looking
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Boyfriend: you're beautiful
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Behind every crazy woman is a man who made her that way
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You never know what you have until...you clean your room
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Do you ever sit at work after a stressful day and just think to yourself...i need to get out of here.
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