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Similar to Cleaning Is Just Putting Stuff In Less Obvious Places

RoseKiss
If you want to change the world, do it while you're single.
RoseKiss
I'm not short. I'm just compact and ridiculously adorable
Mike-Ross
I don't like to think before I speak.
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if you could read my mind. You'd back away slowly then run for your life!!
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Mike-Ross
Having a rough day?
Mike-Ross
You can't choose your family but you can ignore their phone calls
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My alone time is for your own safety!
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Mike-Ross
Rivers never go reverse.
Mike-Ross
My bed is a magical place
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Mike-Ross
My money just waves goodbye
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Mike-Ross
When you're in a restaurant and you see your food coming
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Mike-Ross
Hello! You've reached my profile
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Mike-Ross
The love between Mother & daughter is forever!
Mike-Ross
I'm so glad friends don't come with price tags.
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Mike-Ross
You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me
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Mike-Ross
I recently applied for a part time job at a mental hospital.
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Mike-Ross
I love how in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?"
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Mike-Ross
Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
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Mike-Ross
You know why you like me? Because you are freaking crazy too
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Mike-Ross
Sometimes I just wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old and the energy of a 3 year old
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Mike-Ross
My secret talent
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Mike-Ross
My attitude is based on how you treat me.
Mike-Ross
The one who laughs last, didn't get the joke.
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Mike-Ross
Breaking News! I don't care
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Mike-Ross
Life could be worse. Milk could have pulp.
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I do not snore! I just dreams I'm a motorcycle
kylesportsman
I don't mind and you don't matter.
FoxIsHere
Why is it that the one who snores always goes to sleep first!
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I wanna be like a caterpillar, eat a lot, sleep loads and then wake up beautiful
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Being a baby must be traumatizing at times.
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Mike-Ross
Don't be too hard on yourself.
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If you have the power to make someone happy, do it.
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I love waving at random people
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Mike-Ross
Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed
timboss
Sometimes the only thing I can say is "Really?"
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Toilet stolen from police station...cops have nothing to go on.
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RonnySteel
I'm not crazy, I prefer the term mentally hilarious
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Mike-Ross
No one runs in your family
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Mike-Ross
I remember years ago when all i wanted to be was older. I was wrong!
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Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom
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Banana Language
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Always believe that something wonderful is going to happen.
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I didn't fall, the floor just needed a hug.
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FoxIsHere
My doctor asked if any member of my family suffered from insanity...I said nope, we all seem to enjoy it!
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RoseKiss
I told the doctor i broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
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FoxIsHere
Date someone who looks at you like a minion looks at a banana
daisydoll
A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6. He seemed irritated when I answered kindergarten.
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Mike-Ross
Never forget three types of people in your life.
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4 Levels Of Crazy
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RoseKiss
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge
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FreeThinker71
Beyond every angry women stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
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RoseKiss
I'm not crazy, I'm just special!
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FreeThinker71
The oldest computer was owned by adam and eve. It was an apple with very limited memory. Just 1 byte and everything crashed.
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JamieFlower
I'm not sure if my body can handle much more of this "getting out of bed" nonsense.
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Mike-Ross
When I get a headache. I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle
Mike-Ross
Have you ever just looked at someone and said...."Seriously?"
Mike-Ross
Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you a lesson. And best people give you memories.
Mike-Ross
Time for Christmas chilling
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I just ran 5 miles and what a workout! I didn't think that ice cream truck would ever stop.
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Mike-Ross
We all know mirrors don't like...I'm just grateful that they don't laugh.
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Sometimes I question my sanity, sometimes it replies!
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Mike-Ross
No matter what people think of you...always keep smiling and walk away
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Mike-Ross
I seriously just wanna cuddle up and watch an old disney movie with hot chocolate and ignore life and everyone and everything
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God is watching over me
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I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before new year
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When you get comfortable in bed but have to pee
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10 Top Funny Minion Quotes

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