Similar to Batman's Greatest Weakness

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Apparently laying in bed and yelling "Coffee pot activate" is not a thing. Why is that not a thing yet?
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At this point my job is just paying me to be stressed 24-7
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Waking up before 7am should be illegal
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When you're running and you accidentally hit your pinky toe on a piece of furniture
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By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you...blocked & deleted.
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If you see me running, you better run too cuz there's something chasing me!
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Me Looking At Food On My Page
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Paychecks and weekends have a lot in common...they are short and don't last long enough.
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I wish my bank account filled up as fast as my laundry basket
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You know you're life is boring when all you wear is pajamas and work clothes
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I'm not lazy. I just rest before i get tired.
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