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Mike-Ross
I recently applied for a part time job at a mental hospital.
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Mike-Ross
I love how in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?"
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Mike-Ross
Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
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Mike-Ross
You know why you like me? Because you are freaking crazy too
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Mike-Ross
Sometimes I just wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old and the energy of a 3 year old
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Mike-Ross
My secret talent
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Mike-Ross
My attitude is based on how you treat me.
Mike-Ross
The one who laughs last, didn't get the joke.
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Mike-Ross
I do not snore! I just dreams I'm a motorcycle
Mike-Ross
I wanna be like a caterpillar, eat a lot, sleep loads and then wake up beautiful
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Mike-Ross
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Mike-Ross
If you have the power to make someone happy, do it.
Mike-Ross
I love waving at random people
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Mike-Ross
Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed
timboss
Sometimes the only thing I can say is "Really?"
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Mike-Ross
Toilet stolen from police station...cops have nothing to go on.
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RonnySteel
I'm not crazy, I prefer the term mentally hilarious
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Mike-Ross
No one runs in your family
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Mike-Ross
I remember years ago when all i wanted to be was older. I was wrong!
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Mike-Ross
Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom
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Mike-Ross
Banana Language
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Mike-Ross
Always believe that something wonderful is going to happen.
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Mike-Ross
I didn't fall, the floor just needed a hug.
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RoseKiss
I told the doctor i broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
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FoxIsHere
Date someone who looks at you like a minion looks at a banana
daisydoll
A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6. He seemed irritated when I answered kindergarten.
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Mike-Ross
Never forget three types of people in your life.
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RoseKiss
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge
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RoseKiss
I'm not crazy, I'm just special!
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FreeThinker71
The oldest computer was owned by adam and eve. It was an apple with very limited memory. Just 1 byte and everything crashed.
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Mike-Ross
Have you ever just looked at someone and said...."Seriously?"
Mike-Ross
Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you a lesson. And best people give you memories.
Mike-Ross
I just ran 5 miles and what a workout! I didn't think that ice cream truck would ever stop.
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Mike-Ross
We all know mirrors don't like...I'm just grateful that they don't laugh.
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Mike-Ross
No matter what people think of you...always keep smiling and walk away
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Mike-Ross
I seriously just wanna cuddle up and watch an old disney movie with hot chocolate and ignore life and everyone and everything
Mike-Ross
When you get comfortable in bed but have to pee
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Mike-Ross
I made a huge to do list for today
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Mike-Ross
Merry Christmas To All The Angels In Heaven Never Forgotten!
Mike-Ross
Everybody is fighting their own unique war
Mike-Ross
How to speak Minion
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Mike-Ross
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper.
Mike-Ross
I hate that moment when you're tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like just kidding...
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JamieFlower
No I don't want to build a snowman
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Mike-Ross
I'm not available in HD...highly deranged!
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Mike-Ross
Breaking News, Stupidity Has Taken Over The World
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