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Similar to I Wish Love Is Like A Baby Shampoo It Has "No More Tears" Formula

RoseKiss
In my family, if you're normal then you're adopted.
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If you want to change the world, do it while you're single.
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I'm not short. I'm just compact and ridiculously adorable
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I don't like to think before I speak.
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if you could read my mind. You'd back away slowly then run for your life!!
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Having a rough day?
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You can't choose your family but you can ignore their phone calls
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My alone time is for your own safety!
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Rivers never go reverse.
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My bed is a magical place
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When you're in a restaurant and you see your food coming
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Hello! You've reached my profile
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The love between Mother & daughter is forever!
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I'm so glad friends don't come with price tags.
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You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me
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I recently applied for a part time job at a mental hospital.
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I love how in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?"
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Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
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You know why you like me? Because you are freaking crazy too
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Sometimes I just wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old and the energy of a 3 year old
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My secret talent
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My attitude is based on how you treat me.
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The one who laughs last, didn't get the joke.
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Breaking News! I don't care
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Life could be worse. Milk could have pulp.
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I do not snore! I just dreams I'm a motorcycle
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I don't mind and you don't matter.
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Why is it that the one who snores always goes to sleep first!
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Don't be too hard on yourself.
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If you have the power to make someone happy, do it.
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I love waving at random people
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Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed
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Sometimes the only thing I can say is "Really?"
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Toilet stolen from police station...cops have nothing to go on.
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No one runs in your family
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I remember years ago when all i wanted to be was older. I was wrong!
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Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom
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Always believe that something wonderful is going to happen.
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I told the doctor i broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
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Date someone who looks at you like a minion looks at a banana
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A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6. He seemed irritated when I answered kindergarten.
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Never forget three types of people in your life.
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I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge
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Beyond every angry women stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
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We all know mirrors don't like...I'm just grateful that they don't laugh.
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Sometimes I question my sanity, sometimes it replies!
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No matter what people think of you...always keep smiling and walk away
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