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Mike-Ross
I haven't lost my mind...half of it just wandered off, and the other half went looking for it.
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Mike-Ross
80% of the ocean has not been explored. There could be a dollar general down there.
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FoxIsHere
I hate when I'm finally caught up with the laundry and then I see my family walking around the house wearing clothes.
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FreeThinker71
People will buy $468 worth of groceries and still stop for fast food on the way home.
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FreeThinker71
Sorry I'm late. I got here as soon as I wanted to.
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FreeThinker71
I love how teenagers just be planning stuff.
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Mike-Ross
My child is turning out exactly like me. Well played, Karma
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JamieFlower
Prayers needed. Nothing wrong, I just wanna hit the lotto and quit my job
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JamieFlower
I'm not sure if my body can handle much more of this "getting out of bed" nonsense.
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JamieFlower
I couldn't afford an ancestory DNA kit. So I announced I had won the lottery and soon found out who all my relative were.
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FreeThinker71
If I manage to survive the rest of the week, I would like my straight jacket in hot pink & my helmet to sparkle.
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FreeThinker71
Don't argue with people. Every classroom has a kid that ate paste, that's probably who you're arguing with.
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FreeThinker71
The weather just went from 90 to 55 like it saw a state trooper
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FreeThinker71
Every once in a while someone amazing comes into your life. And here I am. You're welcome.
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RoseKiss
Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks
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RoseKiss
I think it would be great if walmart added an upper level observation deck with a bar
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RoseKiss
I need a new head, this one is thinking too much
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FoxIsHere
It might be called social media but all I do is share memes and ignore people
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FoxIsHere
Someone's coworker needs to hear this: YOU are NOT the supervisor. Go sit down!
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Mike-Ross
When I get a headache. I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle
Mike-Ross
Have you ever just looked at someone and said...."Seriously?"
Mike-Ross
Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you a lesson. And best people give you memories.
Mike-Ross
Old age used to be all in my head...now it's in my joints too.
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Mike-Ross
Time for Christmas chilling
Mike-Ross
I just ran 5 miles and what a workout! I didn't think that ice cream truck would ever stop.
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Mike-Ross
We all know mirrors don't like...I'm just grateful that they don't laugh.
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Mike-Ross
Sometimes I question my sanity, sometimes it replies!
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Mike-Ross
No matter what people think of you...always keep smiling and walk away
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Mike-Ross
I seriously just wanna cuddle up and watch an old disney movie with hot chocolate and ignore life and everyone and everything
Mike-Ross
God is watching over me
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Mike-Ross
Respect your parents. They passed school without google!
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Mike-Ross
I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before new year
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Mike-Ross
When you get comfortable in bed but have to pee
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Mike-Ross
Instead of presents this year, I would like santa to clean my house and do my laundry
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Mike-Ross
I made a huge to do list for today
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Mike-Ross
Get your relatives speaking to one another again by sending a heartfelt christmas card with a picture of your family with an extra child nobody knows
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Mike-Ross
Is it just my home or does everyone else's spoons and forks just magically disappear, i mean where do they go
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Mike-Ross
Christmas Time Rules
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$Anyone here good at math? I need help splitting $14 between 39 people for Christmas$

Mike-Ross
Anyone here good at math? I need help splitting $14 between 39 people for Christmas
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Mike-Ross
Always make sure someone in the relationship has good credit. That's why it's called significant other. Sign-if-i-cant
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Mike-Ross
I tried to send you something cute for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out the mailbox
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Mike-Ross
Christmas is coming up, avoid all things that make you fat.
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Mike-Ross
Dear Santa this year, I want a skinny body and a fat wallet, in that order! Try not to confuse yourself like last year
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Mike-Ross
Waiter! This coffee taste like mug. Yes sir, it's fresh ground
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Mike-Ross
Marriage is like a deck of cards
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Mike-Ross
I used to care but I take a pill for that now
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