Similar to 25 Hilarious Stand Up Jokes From Famous Comedians

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MarissaRocks
Enjoy your weekend cause Monday will be here in 20 minutes.
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MarissaRocks
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
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waterbaby
I smile because you're my family...i laugh because there's nothing you can do about it!
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Mike-Ross
If my man got $0 and I got $1000 we both got $0
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Mike-Ross
Me looking at my friend if we saw the same thing.
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- friendship
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Mike-Ross
Me telling my problems to my pet
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Mike-Ross
Your cat is not your baby
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Mike-Ross
Me recharging for 6 months after going out one Saturday night.
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Mike-Ross
Me on self-care nights treating myself the way i deserve.
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Mike-Ross
Me waiting for a text back after I said leave me alone
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Mike-Ross
How me and my bestie gonna be in 60 years
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Mike-Ross
When i say extra caramel, this is what I mean
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Mike-Ross
When your kid is bad but you still love him
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Mike-Ross
Just call me if you need me....also my phone:
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Mike-Ross
When i say more sour cream this what I mean
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Mike-Ross
Me after eating food
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Mike-Ross
Seeing my sister happy is priceless
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Mike-Ross
Me listening to a conversation that's none of my business
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Mike-Ross
Don't worry about getting older. You're still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.
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Mike-Ross
I miss the good ole days when bills didn't have my name on them.
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Mike-Ross
Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.
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Mike-Ross
I never met a problem i couldn't make worse.
Mike-Ross
Every day i wake up wanting to be nice, Then people ruin it for me.
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Mike-Ross
Once upon a time, I was young, fun and semi-sane. Then i joined facebook and met all of you
Mike-Ross
If you call me on speaker phone, remember that is a huge mistake for you
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Mike-Ross
You call it coffee. I call it my emotional support beverage.
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waterbaby
Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.
Mike-Ross
I'm proud of myself for not being fake, I'm difficult sometimes and have a few screws loose but I'm 100% me.
daisydoll
Does anyone else check their facebook like the morning paper?
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daisydoll
Yesterday I did nothing. Today I'm finishing what I started today.
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daisydoll
The rich get richer, the lazy live for free, the middle class continue to pay for it all. Follow me for more reality checks
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daisydoll
I thought growing old would take longer.
daisydoll
I wish facebook would notify me when someone unfriends me so i could like it
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daisydoll
I'm here in body but not mind...my mind is in bed where my body wishes it could be
daisydoll
The best part of waking up...is still a mystery to me
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daisydoll
Time to get up and get going. Today's bad decisions aren't going to make themself
daisydoll
I'm not bothered by my age, I just don't like all of the side effects.
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Mike-Ross
Work can't stress you out if you just don't go in...
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Mike-Ross
Dear 8 hours sleep, i miss you so much.
Mike-Ross
I stress about stress before there's even stress to stress about.
Mike-Ross
Hardest thing ever: controlling your laughter at serious times
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Mike-Ross
Warning: my mouth is a bit like a magician's hat...you just never know what's gonna come out of it.
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Mike-Ross
Behind every crazy woman is a man who made her that way
Mike-Ross
You never know what you have until...you clean your room
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Pixlove
I Plan To Sleep Anytime I Get A Day Off
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Pixlove
I Dont Always Tolerate Stupid People
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Pixlove
Funny Dogs Being Dogs
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- dogs
Pixlove
Me As Soon As I Get Home
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