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Similar to Aubrey Plaza's Perfect Plan

timboss
Dating me & posting me ain't enough. I wanna be with you on your driver's license.
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I'm amazing! Everyday I turn water into coffee
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Me wondering how I've managed to spend all my money when we're only half way through the month
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RoseKiss
The older I get, the more getting home from work seems to be the highlight of my day...
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Ever get really excited to finally have some time off, but then just end up spending the entire day like this...
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There's a very good chance that I'm probably sleeping
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Staying up late always seems like a great idea until you set your alarm and realize you only have a couple hours until you need to be up for work
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daisydoll
I'm fifty years old, I was on a heating pad eating cheetos
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Mike-Ross
I can't wait to walk down the aisle...to find my seat on the plane
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Recent studies show that the most expensive vehicle to operate in today's world is the grocery cart.
waterbaby
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I don't want to party like it's 1999. I want to go grocery shopping like it's 1999.
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Enjoy your weekend cause Monday will be here in 20 minutes.
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I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
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waterbaby
I smile because you're my family...i laugh because there's nothing you can do about it!
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Mike-Ross
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Me looking at my friend if we saw the same thing.
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Me recharging for 6 months after going out one Saturday night.
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When i say more sour cream this what I mean
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Don't worry about getting older. You're still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.
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I miss the good ole days when bills didn't have my name on them.
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I never met a problem i couldn't make worse.
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Once upon a time, I was young, fun and semi-sane. Then i joined facebook and met all of you
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If you call me on speaker phone, remember that is a huge mistake for you
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Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.
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daisydoll
Does anyone else check their facebook like the morning paper?
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Yesterday I did nothing. Today I'm finishing what I started today.
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The rich get richer, the lazy live for free, the middle class continue to pay for it all. Follow me for more reality checks
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I thought growing old would take longer.
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I wish facebook would notify me when someone unfriends me so i could like it
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I'm here in body but not mind...my mind is in bed where my body wishes it could be
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The best part of waking up...is still a mystery to me
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daisydoll
Time to get up and get going. Today's bad decisions aren't going to make themself
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I'm not bothered by my age, I just don't like all of the side effects.
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Mike-Ross
Work can't stress you out if you just don't go in...
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Dear 8 hours sleep, i miss you so much.
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I stress about stress before there's even stress to stress about.
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