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Similar to Julia Louis-Dreyfus on David Letterman's final episode

RoseKiss
Staying up late always seems like a great idea until you set your alarm and realize you only have a couple hours until you need to be up for work
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daisydoll
I'm fifty years old, I was on a heating pad eating cheetos
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Me and my fav coworker trying to emotional prepare ourselves at the start of every shift
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Me on my lunch break deciding whether or not I should go back to work
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Me in the bathroom at work trying to figure out if i should get back to work or keep hiding
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MarissaRocks
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MarissaRocks
Recent studies show that the most expensive vehicle to operate in today's world is the grocery cart.
waterbaby
I'm not saying that I'm an expert, but I have a Ph.D in making bad decisions.
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Dreamer
I don't want to party like it's 1999. I want to go grocery shopping like it's 1999.
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I'm not crazy, I'm just creatively insane.
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RonnySteel
That 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog
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Enjoy your weekend cause Monday will be here in 20 minutes.
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I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
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waterbaby
I smile because you're my family...i laugh because there's nothing you can do about it!
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Mike-Ross
If my man got $0 and I got $1000 we both got $0
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I never met a problem i couldn't make worse.
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Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.
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I'm proud of myself for not being fake, I'm difficult sometimes and have a few screws loose but I'm 100% me.
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Yesterday I did nothing. Today I'm finishing what I started today.
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I thought growing old would take longer.
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I wish facebook would notify me when someone unfriends me so i could like it
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I'm here in body but not mind...my mind is in bed where my body wishes it could be
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Time to get up and get going. Today's bad decisions aren't going to make themself
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Work can't stress you out if you just don't go in...
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Dear 8 hours sleep, i miss you so much.
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I stress about stress before there's even stress to stress about.
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Hardest thing ever: controlling your laughter at serious times
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Warning: my mouth is a bit like a magician's hat...you just never know what's gonna come out of it.
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Behind every crazy woman is a man who made her that way
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You never know what you have until...you clean your room
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Pixlove
I Dont Always Tolerate Stupid People
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When Youre Having A Rough Day But Trying To Stay Positive
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