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Similar to Ghetto Jokes

MarissaRocks
Recent studies show that the most expensive vehicle to operate in today's world is the grocery cart.
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I'm not saying that I'm an expert, but I have a Ph.D in making bad decisions.
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I don't want to party like it's 1999. I want to go grocery shopping like it's 1999.
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I'm not crazy, I'm just creatively insane.
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RonnySteel
That 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog
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Enjoy your weekend cause Monday will be here in 20 minutes.
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I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
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waterbaby
I smile because you're my family...i laugh because there's nothing you can do about it!
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Mike-Ross
If my man got $0 and I got $1000 we both got $0
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Me looking at my friend if we saw the same thing.
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Me telling my problems to my pet
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Mike-Ross
Your cat is not your baby
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Me recharging for 6 months after going out one Saturday night.
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Me on self-care nights treating myself the way i deserve.
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Me waiting for a text back after I said leave me alone
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How me and my bestie gonna be in 60 years
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When i say extra caramel, this is what I mean
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When your kid is bad but you still love him
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Just call me if you need me....also my phone:
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When i say more sour cream this what I mean
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Me after eating food
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Seeing my sister happy is priceless
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Me listening to a conversation that's none of my business
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Don't worry about getting older. You're still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.
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I miss the good ole days when bills didn't have my name on them.
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Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.
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I never met a problem i couldn't make worse.
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Every day i wake up wanting to be nice, Then people ruin it for me.
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Mike-Ross
Once upon a time, I was young, fun and semi-sane. Then i joined facebook and met all of you
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If you call me on speaker phone, remember that is a huge mistake for you
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You call it coffee. I call it my emotional support beverage.
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Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.
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I'm proud of myself for not being fake, I'm difficult sometimes and have a few screws loose but I'm 100% me.
daisydoll
Does anyone else check their facebook like the morning paper?
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Yesterday I did nothing. Today I'm finishing what I started today.
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The rich get richer, the lazy live for free, the middle class continue to pay for it all. Follow me for more reality checks
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I thought growing old would take longer.
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I wish facebook would notify me when someone unfriends me so i could like it
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I'm here in body but not mind...my mind is in bed where my body wishes it could be
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The best part of waking up...is still a mystery to me
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Time to get up and get going. Today's bad decisions aren't going to make themself
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I'm not bothered by my age, I just don't like all of the side effects.
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Mike-Ross
Work can't stress you out if you just don't go in...
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Dear 8 hours sleep, i miss you so much.
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I stress about stress before there's even stress to stress about.
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Hardest thing ever: controlling your laughter at serious times
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Warning: my mouth is a bit like a magician's hat...you just never know what's gonna come out of it.
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When I text "interesting" this how i be looking
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If we're in a relationship, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt
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POV: Your girlfriend is on her mood swings
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Boyfriend: you're beautiful
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Texts like this
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Me and my friend before making a bad decision
Mike-Ross
Did I lock the door? I have to go back
Mike-Ross
I'm 35 but my back in 57. My knee? She turns 73 on Tuesday
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Me overthinking every single thing I do or say
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Behind every crazy woman is a man who made her that way
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You never know what you have until...you clean your room
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Sometimes you've just got to be a bit anti-social at work
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Some people will just cause work drama for the sake of it, as if they don't actually have a job they should be getting on with.
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Mike-Ross
You ever had suck a bad day at work that you just came home and sat like this until you calmed down
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Mike-Ross
Do you ever sit at work after a stressful day and just think to yourself...i need to get out of here.
Mike-Ross
When you get to work and your colleague who is always late is actually there before you
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Jobs are important, but nothing is more important than your family
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Me trying to find my favorite colleague so i can tell them all the drama that i just overheard
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Me after playing detective

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