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Similar to What if Tarzan and Nicolas Cage has a love child

Mike-Ross
If you have kids...this collection is called "Not mine"
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Mike-Ross
I'm old enough to remember when a wild night out meant skating around in circles while a DJ played music
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Mike-Ross
Today, year olds are asking for the latest iPhone. When I was , I felt like id won the lottery if i had this pen
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One minute you're young and fun and the next minute you predict the weather with your bad knee
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Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say "don't waste electricity"?
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Mike-Ross
When your boyfriend stops paying attention to you for .2 seconds
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kylesportsman
My girl when she's not getting any attention
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kylesportsman
When you're obsessed with your man
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MarissaRocks
May if i fall in love with my problems, they'll leave me too
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timboss
How to set an alarm
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timboss
If a time traveller hasn't come back to stop me from what I'm doing then maybe what I'm doing isn't that bad
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daisydoll
Your next task is to eat without watching youtube
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daisydoll
Me rehearsing how I'll be telling my struggles in the interviews after becoming successful
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Idk what bro going through but I feel him
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RonnySteel
Put the food in your mouth, not in your story
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RonnySteel
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RonnySteel
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kylesportsman
Keep your relationship private so you can have two
kylesportsman
When your best friend motivates you
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kylesportsman
Me trying to think of a way to not go to the thing i just committed to 30 seconds ago.
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My relationship is so private, my partner doesn't even know I exist
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kylesportsman
How my love life is going
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Class is cancelled - These three words are better than I love you
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I hate when some website asks me "Are you human?"
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Mike-Ross
My mood 24-7
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Mike-Ross
Me after shaving their beards.
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Mike-Ross
I have no many responsibilities
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People can't use you if you are useless
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If you are gonna talk behind my back, at least invite me, I hate that person too
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"I'm so glad its finally summer!"
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Mike-Ross
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When you accidentally send a screenshot to the person you screenshotted
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Mike-Ross
2 hours of cooking just to eat everything in 10 minutes and now I've gotta wash everything
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Mike-Ross
Rule no. 1, never trust how you feel about your life after 9pm
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When your alarm goes off and you start wondering if your job is really worth it.
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When you tell someone you're broke and they try to comfort you instead of giving you money
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timboss
Shhh I'm hiding from Monday, bring coffee
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timboss
Dating me & posting me ain't enough. I wanna be with you on your driver's license.
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timboss
I'm amazing! Everyday I turn water into coffee
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JamieFlower
Me wondering how I've managed to spend all my money when we're only half way through the month
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RoseKiss
The older I get, the more getting home from work seems to be the highlight of my day...
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RoseKiss
Me the night before a shift wishing that the power would fail at my work so i can have a day off
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RoseKiss
Ever get really excited to finally have some time off, but then just end up spending the entire day like this...
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RoseKiss
There's a very good chance that I'm probably sleeping
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RoseKiss
Some coworkers really do turn into friends who you honestly couldn't imagine your life without
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RoseKiss
Adult life is spending every Sunday wishing that you didn't have to go to work the next day
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RoseKiss
Staying up late always seems like a great idea until you set your alarm and realize you only have a couple hours until you need to be up for work
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RoseKiss
Trying to get emotionally prepared for the work day ahead
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daisydoll
I'm fifty years old, I was on a heating pad eating cheetos
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Mike-Ross
I can't wait to walk down the aisle...to find my seat on the plane
Mike-Ross
Me and my fav coworker trying to emotional prepare ourselves at the start of every shift
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Mike-Ross
Me on my lunch break deciding whether or not I should go back to work
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Mike-Ross
Me in the bathroom at work trying to figure out if i should get back to work or keep hiding
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MarissaRocks
"The average person falls asleep in 7 minutes" Who??? Who are these people???
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MarissaRocks
Recent studies show that the most expensive vehicle to operate in today's world is the grocery cart.
waterbaby
I'm not saying that I'm an expert, but I have a Ph.D in making bad decisions.
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Dreamer
I don't want to party like it's 1999. I want to go grocery shopping like it's 1999.
Dreamer
I'm not crazy, I'm just creatively insane.
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RonnySteel
That 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog
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Enjoy your weekend cause Monday will be here in 20 minutes.
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MarissaRocks
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
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waterbaby
I smile because you're my family...i laugh because there's nothing you can do about it!
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Mike-Ross
If my man got $0 and I got $1000 we both got $0
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Me looking at my friend if we saw the same thing.
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Me telling my problems to my pet
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