The Odds

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If you're looking for me, I don't want to be found. I need to live where summer never ends I won't tell anyone I won the lottery but there will be hints It's another day in paradise, minus the paradise. When you take 17 selfies and still look like this My dad made this for when his girlfriend won't pick a restaurant My toxic trait is telling people I'm down for anything. I'm just sitting here with my onion rings How often do you exercise? How single are you right now? I don't smile before coffee I wish facebook would notify me when people delete me. I stress about stress before there's even stress to stress about According to doctors, the symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying and napping alot. If only losing weight was as easy as losing my keys, temper or even my mind. I would be so skinny I either cry or turn into a psychopath when I'm mad. There is no inbetween I'm getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach My level of maturity depends on who I'm with Me at night: Tomorrow I'm going to wake up, clean, cook, and get all errands done When you wake up in the morning and it feels like you only slept for minutes A man who cooks is attractive. A man who does the dishes is irresistible If you have kids...this collection is called "Not mine" I'm old enough to remember when a wild night out meant skating around in circles while a DJ played music Today, year olds are asking for the latest iPhone. When I was , I felt like id won the lottery if i had this pen One minute you're young and fun and the next minute you predict the weather with your bad knee Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say "don't waste electricity"? I may look normal but I unfriend people for no reason I'm fifty years old, I was on a heating pad eating cheetos I can't wait to walk down the aisle...to find my seat on the plane "The average person falls asleep in 7 minutes" Who??? Who are these people??? Recent studies show that the most expensive vehicle to operate in today's world is the grocery cart. I'm not saying that I'm an expert, but I have a Ph.D in making bad decisions. I'm not crazy, I'm just creatively insane. That 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog Enjoy your weekend cause Monday will be here in 20 minutes. I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
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